Stevie Ray Vaughan

Stevie Ray Vaughan is one of my favorite guitarists, and I'm very sorry that he's not alive. There are few musicians, dead or alive, whose music makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up.


But I couldn't help notice that, of the thousands of photographs I've seen of this Guitar Saint, a lot of them seem to portray him to be in the middle of a very hard and difficult shit. See for yourself.


The man was very expressive in his guitar playing, that is for darned sure. Do you see what I mean? Oh, there are so many photos of SRV, certainly not all of them portray him this way.


He's really giving it all he's got, isn't he?


The one above looks particularly difficult. This one makes me feel sorry for him, but I don't know why. Can you just imagine when he sings and plays Texas Blues and Rock, he really means it?












But the man sure could play. May he rest in ever-lasting peace, and I hope he's still playing that good ol' Texas Hard Rock Blues somewhere.

F-Bomb Update

By the time we got to work this morning, I was $5 further down. The breakdown is as follows:

• $2 - ride home last night. Fellow was driving too slowly (50 in a 55) where it is smooth and straight. I was annoyed and said, "That fucker!" I don't remember the other.
• $1 - evening time, watching TV
• $2 - this morning's ride into work

[FURTHER UPDATE]

• $3 - Lunch time today (two times in the car, and one at the table).

Restaurant Assassinations

I was watching The Sopranos, Season 6, "Stage 5" when there was a restaurant scene in which one goon at the table, sitting right next to Paulie Walnuts, was assassinated by a lone gunman. He walked in, blew the guy away, and walked out. Great scene, effects, blood splatter, all that. I note, however, that the restaurant emptied itself moments thereafter. My question: Do the people who were eating moments earlier still owe for their food/drinks? I wonder if, during the Mob Hey Days of Chicago, New York, etc., restaurants had some sort of notice posted on the wall:

Notice: Assignations do not relinquish obligations to pay for your meal. Please sign-in with your name, telephone number, and address so, in case somebody gets shot and you run out, we can track you down and get paid for whatever you ordered. Thank you. The Management, see.

The Word "Fuck"

My GF never really used the word fuck well, and for quite a while I've scolded her to not use it, especially in front of other people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no fuckin' prude or anything like that. I use the word all the time; too much, in fact.

It's interesting how one gets started using the F-Bomb. Smart people will correct me here, but I think it's basically a means to show people how much courage you have, and one picks it up from people one hangs out with. But I digress.

I made friends with a dude who moved here several years ago, and we went out drinking together quite a bit. He used the word a lot. It was crazy. I'd ask him, "Hey, wanna go grab a few pops after work?" and he'd reply something like, "Well, fuckin', my wife has to pick up the kid and we fuckin' only have the one car today, and, well, fuckin'... let me see. I'll call her. We'll fuckin' see already."

Well, he moved to another city, that fucker, and now I'm left with the habit of saying (and typing) that word a lot.

My GF likes to say it, too, but only when she's really pissed or emotional about something (mostly shit at work). I've told her for a long time that it's just not becoming of her. It just doesn't sound right. Maybe she should've taken lessons from my friend, I don't know. So yesterday in the car she used it again, and I told her I've had enough of our vulgarity: From now on, it's a buck each for each of us. Say it and pay. I'll get us both to STOP saying that ugly word.

Not two minutes went by when some asshole cut me off near an intersection and I exclaimed the word. Fuck! There goes $1. "Pay up, turkey." I pulled out my wallet and handed her a buck.

Two miles further down the road, some jerk did something else that pissed me off, and I said it again. There goes another $1.

Before we'd gotten home, I pulled out four or five one-dollar bills and laid them out on the dash. After the third $1 I had to give her, I'd hoped that no off-duty cop was witnessing these transactions, else he might think we were dealing in drugs or something. Good Lord.

This morning on the way in? Yep, $1 down. She's enjoying this, I can tell by her giggles. I'll get her, though. All I have to do is drive really fast, and I can get her to say that word again. All I want is for her to start saying the word again. Women.

H.N.Y.

Dick's Cam

I've realized that it's not a good idea to attach a web cam to my penis. Firstly, and most importantly, my dick would get cold -- it being winter and all. Secondly, my viewers would probably get dizzy with it waving around like that as I walk. Taking into account exactly how it is attached, of course, if it is mounted toward the end, and considering my length, well... never mind. (Isn't blogging cool? You say what-ever-the-fuck-you-want!)

Happy New Year

Happy New Year! I mean it. Thanks for looking around here. By the way, we took down our Christmas ("CHRISTMAS!") Tree yesterday evening. Know what? It was the most relaxing time of the entire Season. No rushing, no driving, no spending, no commitments, no expectations, no hassles, no people, not even a tangled string of Christmas Tree Lights. Just my lady and me, thank you very much. Yeah, we cooperated. We were a team. We spend four hours going through and boxing up our collection; those cool little objects that are only used once per year yet somehow gain in value as the years fling by. She likes to pack them all in their original containers, or tissue paper as needed. We talked about how we acquired each one. Who gave us that one, this one. Which ones we don't like because they weigh as much as a stapler or that they're just stupid anyway. Not really. Even the stupid ones are cool. We had a bottle of red wine. We listed to the adult contemporary radio at a low volume. I got out of my post-Christmas-depression. Christmas was Alive again for me, and I think I can make it until Christmas this year. We had a good time together, and I didn't even have to cuss anyone out. Dig that.

PETA

PETA in the news: They want this alleged cannibal to eat only non-meat products in jail awaiting trial because, apparently most importantly, they want those poor critters to avoid having a violent death, and, secondly, eating meat will cause him to want to eat other people besides his girlfriend. I want to mail PETA the bones from my chicken and beef so it can at least get a proper burial. Idiots.

______

Speeding has to be done like farting: only within a crowd, otherwise, you'll get caught.

Drug Commercials (again)

That Enbrel commercial (for the treatment of psoriasis) is the scariest drug commercial I've ever seen. If I am not mistaken, among all the really rotten-sounding side effects, the commercial actually suggests that you may die if you take it ("sometimes fatal events")! Good Grief! My question: If they're trying to sell the stuff and in the same breath try to scare me away from it, don't those two statements cancel each other out and thus not only render the commercial useless but a complete waste of my two minutes? Thought so.

Speaking of those drug commercials, for once I'd like to see a drug commercial where you can actually see the guy's face when he tells you, "If you experience an erection for more than four hours, seek medical attention immediately."

I am the new owner of an...

...aquarium! Yes, by golly, we have a new fish tank, thanks to a friend who noticed how me and my GF were admiring his and his GF's so much. Ours (above) is a 28-gallon model, and our friend gave us 10 gallons of his well-established aquarium water along with an old bio filter.

Over the last several days, we've started a colony: We started with six guppies, then a few days later added two hockey-stick tetras and two black phantom tetras. Just today, we inserted seven (!) tiger barbs. Ah, you say, the barbs are semi-aggressive while the others are less so, but since they are in a small school, the violence level shouldn't be that ugly. Interestingly, over the last two hours, one baby guppie has been eaten, but not by a barb, by a stressed out hockey stick.

Along with that, I got a decent pair of pajamas, a bottle of Blue Label Johnny Walker (!), and an iPod Touch (16G).

What loot did you get?

Skid Marks for the Season

• Flew the other day on a 45 minute flight at about 7:00 A.M. Know what they gave me to eat? Party Mix. On the return flight, just yesterday, at about 3:00 P.M., know what they had to drink? Water or O.J. No coffee. I can see that that airline is in tune with humanity. Those fuckers.
• Those in-flight magazines? They must be the most boring magazines in the world.
• Airline pilots crack me up with their hyper-casual sounding voices on the loud speaker. They speak about all this stuff, flight information, take off and landing times, nearing land marks, the weather, as if they were an auto mechanic discussing snow tire options. As doctors have bad handwriting, airline pilots have these voices. It's like a law.
• Speaking of airline pilots talking about the weather, what's up with that? It seems like they talk about it a lot, er, I mean, they kind of go on and on and on... about it. Just fly the damn plane and concentrate on your landing, don't talk weather to me. I realize you have to know a lot about the weather, but all I care about is landing safely. I can look out the window to see the weather.
• My GF likes to cook, thank Goodness. It's funny, but when she does up a Prime Rib, she doesn't speak in terms of minutes or hours, she speaks in terms of degrees. "Hey, Babe, when's dinner, I'm starved?" I'll ask. "Oh, not for another 44 degrees or so, but you can do me a favor and go to the garage and grab another bottle of red, please." "OK," I'll answer, "how about in another 20 degrees or so?"
• Watching about capital punishment on 60-Minutes with my buddy, he asked me the other day, "Do you have to be a doctor to do that?" "Yeah, I guess so, if it's lethal injection. I also suppose you'd have to be an electrician to pull the switch on the electric chair, too," I said. This got me to thinking. If the executioner were a plumber, the method of death ought to be drowning. I wonder. What would your profession have to be if the method of death were, say, mechanical separation? Helicopter pilot!
• You know, eating a nice, thick, juicy, medium-rare slab of Prime Rib is a wonderfully joyous experience. It really involves many of my senses, certainly taste and smell, but others, too, like touch and sound. This got me to thinking: I suppose that, in a few ways, it is not unlike eating pussy!
• I still love my cigars! That evening (previous post) when me and my buddy had pizza and cigars? Well, those cigars were purrrty damn enjoyable. They tasted good and they smelled even better. The smoke was thick and enveloping. Again, that's a kind of enjoyment that stimulates all the senses. I would take a big puff, let the smoke roll around inside my mouth, and let it leak out in a thick stream. As the last of it exited my mouth, I would put the body of the cigar next to my nostrils and take a whiff... That, mixed with the thick cloud of smoke, smelled so good. This got me to thinking, too: It's a lot like eating pussy!
• Incidently, to answer the question, "How was the pizza that night," the answer is it was some of the best I've ever had... It was remarkable.
  

Conspiracy

I am so distressed here. I can't get over this. The other day I attended a small get together with friends. Sometime during the evening, I and the host dude went out to grab pizza. People had to move their cars so he could pull his sporty little thing out of the garage. As somebody was moving her truck, I noticed she had her ultra-bright fog lights on along with her head lights. Zing! Then I watched somebody else back their SUV Zing! from the driveway which took no more than 14 minutes to do because it was dark out and they wanted to be careful. Zing! As me and the dude were pulling away, I noticed him flick on his headlights. They were those really super bright blue lights. Zing! Then, as we were heading for pizza, I noticed he wasn't using his turn signal hardly at all! Zing! All this happening within a 30-minute time period and among people in my own circle.

All those zings in one hour, let alone a day or several days. It's a conspiracy. I know it is. I thought I was having a nightmare.

OK, I'm awake now and I feel better.

No good title. Common sense? Yeah.

I love watching these prison documentaries on cable, like "Lockup" on MSNBC, and a few others. Man, life looks miserable for those losers. These guys, the ones who've been locked up for the rest of their cheap, annoying lives for murder and other heinous violence, they ain't got nuthin; they ain't deserve nuthin; and fuck them to hell. They spit at and fling their shit at the guards; they throw tantrums of the most violent kind; they are simply primitive animals who have nothing left to give to society, and nothing left to take from society, except tax dollars, of course. Lots and lots and lots of money gets poured into their sorry maintenance, and for what? Still, I laugh when I hear them talk into the camera about how unfairly they're treated. (Yeah, shitface, how about the way you treated your victim, you scum?)

I'm not talking about the guy who ripped off a million bucks from his company, or the corrupt politician doing time. I'm not even talking about the dumb ass hole who robbed a bank.

I'm talking about murderers.

The super-high security prisons are what get me. I mean, it really gets my goat that we provide a living for these scum bags. Why does our nation insist on having high-security prisons? "Segregation Unit my ass!" My retort: We should abolish them immediately. If some slime bag deserves super-high security for the rest of his slimy life, why don't we just suck the air out and end it now? Better for him, much better for us! If a man can kill somebody in self defense, why can't The State kill somebody after the deed is done? Eye for an eye, sucka!

Blue Tooth Ear Devices

OK, that's enough. You look so stupid with that thing sticking out of your ear. Have you been assimilated into the Borg or what? The next thing you know, people will affix an external hard disk on their forehead so they'll have all the nation's telephone directories handy. Even better, people could get something akin to a Darth Vader helmet to house your communications, web surfing, email, global positioning system, AM/FM/MP3 system, and porn movies.

Trying to keep up with the technology? Well, I have news for you: It's not there yet. Blue tooth speaker devices suck and they're a pain in the ass to switch from regular mode to "Blue Tooth" mode.

Trying to be fashionable? Well, I have more news for you: You look stupid. You also look really conceited. Really, who are you trying to impress? Are you that important and lazy that you can't stumble around with the rest of us zombies and use your cell phone in a normal manner, like, discreetly?

If there's anything that drives me crazy, it's hearing and seeing somebody apparently talking to himself or herself when, moments later, I see their little device. You're already inconsiderate enough to have your conversation wherever you please no matter who are you disturbing, now you're just making it easier for yourself and more puzzling (and annoying) for those around you.

Take that thing out of your ear. I have a better place you can stick it.