I could be back now... I am not certain.

Dead Drivers

Today I witnessed a Subaru going over 40 miles per hour. I'm not kidding. I think it was just a cadaver with its foot stuck on the pedal, though.

This is an update.

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Guy comes home w/flowers

Guy comes home with flowers for his wife.

Wife says, "Ah, you're just trying to get me to spread my legs, aren't you?"

He replies, "What, don't you have a vase?"

So WTF does "horses for courses" mean? No, I'm not going to google or wiki it. I want to suffer for awhile. I will come up with my own definitions until I can't stand it.

Hand Lotion and Bacon-flavored Panties

Why is it that the best moisturizing hand lotions are always in somebody else's bathroom and never in my own or on store shelves? I never seem to have good stuff. Only those whom I visit. Next time I go to a party, I'm taking a plastic baggie with me and I'm going to spurt out about half their hand lotion to keep with me.

Ok, enough with all the bacon-flavored things. I've had enough. You name it, it's out there. Bacon-flavored lip balm. Bacon-flavored mayo. Bacon-flavored chocolate. What's next, bacon-scented women's panties? Hmm...

I revere the Peanuts cartoon strip so much that I consider it blasphemy to read another strip first.

I get football, mostly. What I don't get is why you see about fourteen guys on top of each other after a fumble, like a big, feisty, manly ball on the field. That is strange. Why would the last few guys pile on top? Somebody obviously has possession of the ball down there, somewhere, don't they? I'd hate to be the ball, and I'd hate to be the man on the very bottom. I just don't get that.

Me and my GF are having a fight. They say that one way to stimulate the current low economy is to go out and buy. She's irritated with me because I want to go out and buy a Jag or a really cool dSLR camera with a long telephoto lens. WTF?

People's Choice Awards

From the looks of this program I watched last night, Hollywood and the Entertainment industry has been taken over by a bunch of young, ditsy blond girls. Did you watch this?

Bunch of new pop crap. The only reason I watched it was to reinforce my contempt for it.

It was great. I recorded it on the DVR and I'm going to watch it again tonight.

Women.

Well this New Year started out great, Sheesh! Tonight after my girlfriend cooked such a nice dinner, I said to her, "Honey, that was so good. Hey, if I haven't told you that I love you enough, don't worry, I'll tell you a bit later, OK?"

Women.

No appreciation whatsoever.

The Pre-Freeze

I am currently sitting in a tub of very cold water and ice. You see, I've got this theory that if I prefreeze my ass and balls, then this afternoon when my GF and I participate in a sleigh ride with the temperature being a chilly 2 degrees, it won't hurt so bad then they fall off.

Love, Water, and Honey

Love is
Getting her a glass of water,
Watching the water flow.
"Yes, Honey. Sure,"
Knowing the party's still going, and you
Forget that your company left a some time ago.