"Hello," I figured out. It is like this: "Oh boy, somebody is calling me. Perhaps I can make them my new friend by inviting them into a nice, warm conversation. The most friendly and inviting thing to say is "Hello?"
A commenter below mentioned his Grandfather who always used "Yep." This is prefect. It merely acknowledges a connection and you are now ready to hear what the caller has to say or ask. Perfect.
"Do You Mind?!?" is another great, stupid one. Presumably, no, the inconsiderate person doesn't mind when they should. Consider the ruffling of a potato chip bag right behind you, during the first half of a Broadway performance, the ticket of which cost you $89, and that was half priced. You swing your head around, "Do you mind?!?" (This actually happened, and it was my GF who had the balls, not me.)
No, it should not be a question, it should be a direct command. "Stop making so much noise with your food sack, you inconsiderate pig, I'm trying to ______!"
When you think about it, our society is just too damned polite. It's not that way when you're driving, though. As drivers, we are more isolated from face-to-face contact, therefore we are safe from lash backs; we are more invincible, whether we are correct or not; whether we ourselves are idiots or not; whether we are willing to fight for what we believe in. Or not.
I think it should be that way in person, as well. I think we should all have boxes that we can step into, and walk around within. Each box can have rear view mirrors, side windows, front windshield, even a rear window defogger. The best thing, of course, is the horn, and the ability to roll down your window so you can shake your fist or flip somebody the bird. When it looks as though there will be disagreement or any sort of ill will, you can always roll your window back up, scrunch back down in your seat, and enjoy the show, regardless of that idiot behind you.
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