Job Interview Technique

A former boss long ago told me that one way you can judge a person is by how much scotch tape they use, whether it be to mend a tear in a page, or to affix a piece of paper somewhere. This got me to thinking.

At my job I am occasionally afforded the opportunity to conduct -- or at least assist with -- employment interviews. This sometimes leads me to think about new ways of discovering how a person really is, despite what they might say. Let's face it, you cannot always trust what a person says about him or herself, and, in my experience, job interviews are the best evidence of this.

I think the amount of tape one uses is a great indication of how somebody really is. Are they sloppy, carefree, and disrespectful of available resources? Or are they precise, cautious, orderly, and economical?

But are there other atypical ways to judge a person, like, say, for a job interview? I'm sure you've heard about interesting interviewing techniques, questions, scenarios and such. "Give me an example of a difficult situation with a coworker? How did you handle it?" Yeah yeah, sure.

Here's an idea: Secretly witness them drive back and forth across town a few times.

From the vantage point of a hidden audio/video recorder inside the car, you could find out the true nature of your driver's vocabulary, cuss words, facial expressions, hand gestures, and what situations call for these. From the vantage point of another car you could covertly grasp the bigger picture, however.

Does your prospect follow too closely while appearing manically impatient? And do they shake their fist or flip the bird or otherwise heap a truckload of scorn onto the driver ahead because that driver is going too slow? If so, this is a good sign. It is an indicator that your prospect can get the job done much faster than most anyone else. If it were not for that idiot in front, your prospect would be at his or her destination by now. Leaving a length of a semi-tractor/trailer + four cars is a sign of a slow worker.

Does your prospect continually change lanes, often at the last minute before pulling up to a red light? If so, this is good. It means that they are continually on the lookout for better ways to do things. They're not always caught in a rut. People who never veer between lanes will never have bright new insights.

Do they simply drive too fast, especially when road conditions are bad? If so, this is good. It means your potential employee is willing to take risks, willing to do what it takes to get the job done. This is the mark of a great employee, and I would strongly consider this person over the timid little fellow who pokes along at 4 miles per hour under the limit. That little dumb ass will never get anything done, and you should never consider hiring him.

How about turn signals? Does your prospect use them both for changing lanes and making turns? Whoops, this could be bad. If they do, it means they could be too predictable and therefore extremely boring for your office or job site atmosphere. This can lead to nonproductivity in other employees.

How about cellular telephone use while in heavy traffic? This is great if it occurs with your prospect. It means that they are willing to manage more than one task at a time. It also means that they have great dexterity and vision.

Can they park their rig? Hmm, if so, not good. It's an indicator that they might waste too much time while on the clock.

Does your person consume alcohol while driving? If they do, of course, it means that your prospect knows how to deal with stress and nervousness. These can lead to heart problems and high blood pressure and eventually erectile disfunction, all of which mean lost productivity due to the sick leave they'll have to take.

Well, I see that, from a pure productivity stand point, this test would indicate me to be the best prospect for just about any job except maybe for a funeral home director where grace and tact are major requirements. Anyway, the next time we have a job interview to conduct, I will be sure to suggest this new technique. I should get a raise for this.