A few weeks ago I was in Chicago visiting friends. Wow, what a city Chicago is. My GF and I were able to see the big aquarium, the Science and Industry Museum, and the Lincoln Park Zoo. Fantastic. My buddy and I were also able to drive from there to St. Louis to see Radiohead. Was the most amazing and mesmerizing concert I'd ever seen. Then, back in Chicago, four days later, we saw The Cure. Is that kick ass or what? My ears are still ringing...
The last couple of weeks I was in Hawaii, visiting the beautiful island of Oahu. I won't bore you with all the Mai Tais I drank or the Sex on the Beach or my subsequent arrest, but there were a few interesting things I've noticed about Hawaii...
The locals walk very slowly, but they're extremely nice about it. In fact, they're nice in just about everything they do. I love this. It makes me wish I lived there. The tourists there, however, quickly reverse this desire as they are are assholes. Especially on the sidewalks of Waikiki. A fire hose would have been ideal.
Hawaii is one place that posts speed limit signs that provide a 55 MPH maximum and a 45 MPH minimum. I've seen this in other states and I've always thought this was a good idea. Until I realized that, in a 55 zone, if I were to come up behind somebody who's doing only 45 MPH, that would piss me off royally. I'd like to see: 55 MPH Maxium - 54.5 MPH Minimum - Strictly Enforced.
Since I don't know Honolulu well, I noticed that when riding around on The Bus it is possible to get your bearings by simply making note of the various tall condos, hotels, and office buildings. They are all unique enough that they make a worthy array of land marks. It works quite well and you don't have to wonder long before knowing which stop to get off. Going back to my hotel was easy: my hotel is right next to a building that looks like a huge penis.
What is it with cigarette butts everywhere? Don't they realize that if they'd put waste-receptacles with butt-trays at strategic locations, the streets would be a lot cleaner? I noticed also that motorists tend to empty their car ashtrays right onto the street at intersections. This is terrible. What they ought to do is toss their butts out the window before they reach the intersections. This will help avoid such an unsightly mess.
In the office I was working at there I had a good time. The people are friendly and laid back and very personable. It was quite a cramped space, and I noticed that a small copy machine was located three feet from a large shredder. If you'd have blurred your eyes looking at the two, they would've looked identical: same height, each with a slot at the top. I placed a sign on the copy machine that said "Shredder," and one on the shredder that said, "Copy Machine (Face Up!)" This was fine and dandy until they attempted to photocopy a reimbursement check for me. SHIT!
On the airplane, every inconvenient rule is for your safety. What a bunch of crap. "For your safety, no line is to form by the lavatory in the front cabin." "For your safety, all carry-on items need to be stowed under the seat in front of you." "For your safety, during take-off and landing all trays and seat backs must be in their upright and locked positions." "For your safety, we will be passing through the cabin one more time to collect all service items regardless of content." "For your safety, we will make sure to violently knock your elbow that is sticking out in the aisle with our drink cart as we pass through the cabin." "For your safety, fuck you."
By the way, does toothpaste ever go bad?
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