IBHW Driving School: Lesson One

Thought I'd advertise to the world how to better your driving skills. And who better to provide you these highly useful tips?

1. No stopping at round-abouts, especially when the other car in the round-about has more than 25 feet to travel before you're forced to yield. Yield doesn't mean stop, you dolt. It means yield. Now write a check to me for $2.00, please, for my time you just wasted.
2. When changing lanes, you're not signaling to ask permission to change lanes, dumb-ass, you're signaling to let me know what your intentions are. You find a hole, signal, then take the hole. Just do it so I can drive past and avoid looking at your ass end any longer.
3. Oh, yeah. Signal when you change lanes. Were you raised in a barn or what? That's what turn signals are for. It's considerate. I might show you the same consideration when I have to pull in front of your ass, cut you off, just to make a right turn. Ass hole.
4. Turn off your fucking fog lights unless there's... um.... Fog, you ass hole. Your two bright ones are enough. I don't need the other two burning a hole in the back of my skull, and I sure shouldn't have to wear sunglasses when it's dark out. Good fuckin' grief.
5. When pulling up to a restaurant at night, and the restaurant has windows, turn off your fuckin' headlights AND your fog lights, you complete shit-kicking, redneck, crackhead, tobacco-chewing dog-shit sniffing, rat bag fuck twat. I'm trying to eat a nice meal, and I don't want to have to squint or wear sun glasses simply because you want me to know that the brighter your fuckin' lights are, the bigger your cock must be. Give me a fuckin' break already.
6. If you drive a minivan, please remove the little sticker on your steering wheel, the one that says, "It is not safe to drive faster than 5 MPH slower than the speed limit!"
7. Roll up your fucking windows when you're blasting your music. You may be enjoying your music, but I sure as hell don't have to like it, and neither do all the other people in your immediate vicinity. I'm going to start saving the dog shit that I find on the streets and trails I walk on every day. I'll have a special use for it all, too. I'm going to toss a huge glop of it into your pickup's passenger side window, you fuck.
8. Last one. This is important. Make sure to do this today: Shove that cell phone up your ass so far that you can taste it in the back of your moron throat you jerk-off. Your talking on that thing is interfering with your driving performance, and it's affecting me and even threatening my life and my GF's life.