I am the new owner of an...

...aquarium! Yes, by golly, we have a new fish tank, thanks to a friend who noticed how me and my GF were admiring his and his GF's so much. Ours (above) is a 28-gallon model, and our friend gave us 10 gallons of his well-established aquarium water along with an old bio filter.

Over the last several days, we've started a colony: We started with six guppies, then a few days later added two hockey-stick tetras and two black phantom tetras. Just today, we inserted seven (!) tiger barbs. Ah, you say, the barbs are semi-aggressive while the others are less so, but since they are in a small school, the violence level shouldn't be that ugly. Interestingly, over the last two hours, one baby guppie has been eaten, but not by a barb, by a stressed out hockey stick.

Along with that, I got a decent pair of pajamas, a bottle of Blue Label Johnny Walker (!), and an iPod Touch (16G).

What loot did you get?

Skid Marks for the Season

• Flew the other day on a 45 minute flight at about 7:00 A.M. Know what they gave me to eat? Party Mix. On the return flight, just yesterday, at about 3:00 P.M., know what they had to drink? Water or O.J. No coffee. I can see that that airline is in tune with humanity. Those fuckers.
• Those in-flight magazines? They must be the most boring magazines in the world.
• Airline pilots crack me up with their hyper-casual sounding voices on the loud speaker. They speak about all this stuff, flight information, take off and landing times, nearing land marks, the weather, as if they were an auto mechanic discussing snow tire options. As doctors have bad handwriting, airline pilots have these voices. It's like a law.
• Speaking of airline pilots talking about the weather, what's up with that? It seems like they talk about it a lot, er, I mean, they kind of go on and on and on... about it. Just fly the damn plane and concentrate on your landing, don't talk weather to me. I realize you have to know a lot about the weather, but all I care about is landing safely. I can look out the window to see the weather.
• My GF likes to cook, thank Goodness. It's funny, but when she does up a Prime Rib, she doesn't speak in terms of minutes or hours, she speaks in terms of degrees. "Hey, Babe, when's dinner, I'm starved?" I'll ask. "Oh, not for another 44 degrees or so, but you can do me a favor and go to the garage and grab another bottle of red, please." "OK," I'll answer, "how about in another 20 degrees or so?"
• Watching about capital punishment on 60-Minutes with my buddy, he asked me the other day, "Do you have to be a doctor to do that?" "Yeah, I guess so, if it's lethal injection. I also suppose you'd have to be an electrician to pull the switch on the electric chair, too," I said. This got me to thinking. If the executioner were a plumber, the method of death ought to be drowning. I wonder. What would your profession have to be if the method of death were, say, mechanical separation? Helicopter pilot!
• You know, eating a nice, thick, juicy, medium-rare slab of Prime Rib is a wonderfully joyous experience. It really involves many of my senses, certainly taste and smell, but others, too, like touch and sound. This got me to thinking: I suppose that, in a few ways, it is not unlike eating pussy!
• I still love my cigars! That evening (previous post) when me and my buddy had pizza and cigars? Well, those cigars were purrrty damn enjoyable. They tasted good and they smelled even better. The smoke was thick and enveloping. Again, that's a kind of enjoyment that stimulates all the senses. I would take a big puff, let the smoke roll around inside my mouth, and let it leak out in a thick stream. As the last of it exited my mouth, I would put the body of the cigar next to my nostrils and take a whiff... That, mixed with the thick cloud of smoke, smelled so good. This got me to thinking, too: It's a lot like eating pussy!
• Incidently, to answer the question, "How was the pizza that night," the answer is it was some of the best I've ever had... It was remarkable.
  

Conspiracy

I am so distressed here. I can't get over this. The other day I attended a small get together with friends. Sometime during the evening, I and the host dude went out to grab pizza. People had to move their cars so he could pull his sporty little thing out of the garage. As somebody was moving her truck, I noticed she had her ultra-bright fog lights on along with her head lights. Zing! Then I watched somebody else back their SUV Zing! from the driveway which took no more than 14 minutes to do because it was dark out and they wanted to be careful. Zing! As me and the dude were pulling away, I noticed him flick on his headlights. They were those really super bright blue lights. Zing! Then, as we were heading for pizza, I noticed he wasn't using his turn signal hardly at all! Zing! All this happening within a 30-minute time period and among people in my own circle.

All those zings in one hour, let alone a day or several days. It's a conspiracy. I know it is. I thought I was having a nightmare.

OK, I'm awake now and I feel better.

No good title. Common sense? Yeah.

I love watching these prison documentaries on cable, like "Lockup" on MSNBC, and a few others. Man, life looks miserable for those losers. These guys, the ones who've been locked up for the rest of their cheap, annoying lives for murder and other heinous violence, they ain't got nuthin; they ain't deserve nuthin; and fuck them to hell. They spit at and fling their shit at the guards; they throw tantrums of the most violent kind; they are simply primitive animals who have nothing left to give to society, and nothing left to take from society, except tax dollars, of course. Lots and lots and lots of money gets poured into their sorry maintenance, and for what? Still, I laugh when I hear them talk into the camera about how unfairly they're treated. (Yeah, shitface, how about the way you treated your victim, you scum?)

I'm not talking about the guy who ripped off a million bucks from his company, or the corrupt politician doing time. I'm not even talking about the dumb ass hole who robbed a bank.

I'm talking about murderers.

The super-high security prisons are what get me. I mean, it really gets my goat that we provide a living for these scum bags. Why does our nation insist on having high-security prisons? "Segregation Unit my ass!" My retort: We should abolish them immediately. If some slime bag deserves super-high security for the rest of his slimy life, why don't we just suck the air out and end it now? Better for him, much better for us! If a man can kill somebody in self defense, why can't The State kill somebody after the deed is done? Eye for an eye, sucka!

Blue Tooth Ear Devices

OK, that's enough. You look so stupid with that thing sticking out of your ear. Have you been assimilated into the Borg or what? The next thing you know, people will affix an external hard disk on their forehead so they'll have all the nation's telephone directories handy. Even better, people could get something akin to a Darth Vader helmet to house your communications, web surfing, email, global positioning system, AM/FM/MP3 system, and porn movies.

Trying to keep up with the technology? Well, I have news for you: It's not there yet. Blue tooth speaker devices suck and they're a pain in the ass to switch from regular mode to "Blue Tooth" mode.

Trying to be fashionable? Well, I have more news for you: You look stupid. You also look really conceited. Really, who are you trying to impress? Are you that important and lazy that you can't stumble around with the rest of us zombies and use your cell phone in a normal manner, like, discreetly?

If there's anything that drives me crazy, it's hearing and seeing somebody apparently talking to himself or herself when, moments later, I see their little device. You're already inconsiderate enough to have your conversation wherever you please no matter who are you disturbing, now you're just making it easier for yourself and more puzzling (and annoying) for those around you.

Take that thing out of your ear. I have a better place you can stick it.